# Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh #
# What happens in my head Stays in my head #
# But sometimes it won't #
# What if you knew What I was thinking? #
# Would it make you like: Whoa! #
# I don't wanna risk Putting my foot in this #
# So I keep my mouth closed #
# All you hear is #
# Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh #
# Gonna button my lips So the truth don't slip #
# Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh #
# Gotta beep out What I really wanna shout #
# Whoops! #
# Did I say it out loud? Did you find out? #
# I wanna have your babies #
# Get serious like crazy #
# I wanna have your babies #
# I see 'em springing up Like daisies #
# Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah #
# Some of my feelings Keep escaping #
# So I make it a joke #
# Nonchalant I keep on faking #
# So my heart don't get broke #
# I'm in a big, big, big, big ocean #
# In a tiny little boat #
# I'll only put the idea out there #
# If I know it's gonna float #
# All you hear is #
# Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh #
# Gonna button my lips So the truth don't slip #
# Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh #
# Gotta beep out What I really wanna shout #
# Whoops! #
# Did I say it out loud? #
# Did you find out? #
# I wanna have your babies #
# Get serious like crazy #
# I wanna have your babies #
# I see 'em springing up Like daisies #
# Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh #
# Gonna button my lips So the truth don't slip #
# Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh #
# Gotta beep out What I really wanna shout #
# Whoops! #
# Did I say it out loud? Did you find out? #
# I wanna have your babies #
SYLVIE: Hey!
Sweetie, you give it back to him now!
MEGHAN: Okay.
SYLVIE: Listen. Nope.
SYLVIE: Give it to him!
Stop it!
Give him the gun! Now!
[Tires screech]
Meghan, you have a million toys! Give him the gun!
MEGHAN: Give me it!
RYAN: No!
SYLVIE: Meghan, sit still so I can put your sweater on. Stop it!
Stop fighting with your brother! Come on! Meghan!
Meghan! Stop! Give your brother the gun!
No!
Hey, Sylvie, are 3-year-olds supposed to have dart guns?
It's the only thing that gets him to stop wailing.
You know, I'm so sorry, but Danny was supposed to pick up the car.
MEGHAN: Give me it!
Meghan!
MEGHAN: No! SYLVIE: Give it back to him right now!
MEGHAN: No!
Do you want Mommy to put you on medication?
Is that what you want? Like your friend Jenny?
RYAN: No! MEGHAN: No!
[Screams]
[Car horns honking]
Danny, stop staring.
- Look at it. - No.
- Look. - No.
Just look at it.
[Gasps]
Aren't you supposed to pick up Sylvie's car today?
Shit.
Yeah.
- All right, Feel Good. - Some girls would powder my balls.
We'll get out of here.
- Hi, Counselor. - Oh, Candy!
Who is your gorgeous friend?
You think he's gorgeous, you ought to see his wife.
Is his wife as understanding as yours is?
Uh, she's understanding. Not that understanding.
You a lawyer too?
Yeah, yes. Danny and I are partners.
Well, Mr. Lawyer.
I'm a relaxation therapist.
So, if you get as stressed as your friend Danny,
come and see me.
Mmm.
That's so you don't forget me.
Nobody's forgetting you, honey.
What exactly am I supposed to do with this?
Frame it. I don't give a shit.
I've got, like, seven of them.
SYLVIE: Maybe I'll get lucky,
and Danny will have a heart attack doing arm squats or whatever.
Look, you're gonna have a great day today.
- Call me when it's over, okay? - Okay, I will.
Say bye to your Auntie Angela.
ALL: Bye!
[Dart fires]
Ryan Scott Chambers!
How come old guys got to walk around the locker room naked?
You cheating on Sylvie?
No!
I paid Candy for her service.
Candy could do a lot better, you know.
Hey, when we got married, Sylvie looked like Angela,
I looked like you, then the kids came along.
We want to have kids eventually.
Nothing wrong with a little side action now and then.
Oh, well, then, I guess you wouldn't mind
if Sylvie got "a little side action now and then."
You be as judgmental as you want. You're gonna be here one day.
And we'll both be there one day.
That balls?
Incredible.
Do you think he's okay?
Fuck!
ANGELA: Hello.
Yes, I need you to get the samples to the conference room in an hour.
Don't even worry about it, Angela. I'm so on it.
I'm just running a little bit late.
You hung up on me!
Ooh, I love that lipstick. What is that? Pink Flush?
You can't borrow it.
Wait a minute.
Did I tell you I'm in love?
- No, you're not in love. - Yes, I am.
- No, you're not. - Angie, my heart is full.
Oh, my God. It's a big day for me.
Hey, Angie.
Okay. Who is the lucky lover?
Well, I can't say anything yet,
except that he is everything a woman would ever want in a man,
except he's gay.
Ms. Black, you still have not answered my question.
Do you truly believe that you deserve more of my client's money?
It says explicitly in the contract.
Contract?
How about the contract you signed when you said "I do"?
I tend to remember an important clause in that contract,
"for better or for worse."
Does that ring a bell?
Objection!
Speaks to character, Your Honor.
I'll allow it.
He cheated on me.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Circumstantial!
There's not one piece of physical evidence
that proves my client strayed.
What about the text messages?
The photos?
What about that filthy video on YouTube?
Circumstantial.
Your Honor...
Tread carefully, Counselor.
You never see my client's face in any of them.
Ms. Black, you still have not answered my question.
My client has graciously given you and your children
the family home with an estimated value of 4 million dollars.
That's 4.5.
4.5 million dollars.
Do you really believe that you deserve more than that?
He signed a contract.
"He signed the contract."
Does that sound heartfelt, Your Honor?
Does that sound like someone
who truly believes that they deserve more money?
- Does that...? - Objection, Your Honor.
Is my client going to be asked a question in the foreseeable future?
I have nothing further. I couldn't have answered it better myself.
No fist-bumping in court.
Nice suit, John.
That tie...
Good morning, Mary!
Okay. For the woman about to start a family,
we present the allure of "Baby on Board" perfume
to keep Daddy interested,
the only fragrance especially made for the pregnant woman in love.
And here is the bottle prototype.
Do you think someone could possibly pass me the bottle
of this soon-to-be best-selling scent?
[Belly growls]
I'm sorry. Nervous stomach.
[Belly squeals]
[Farts]
[Inhales deeply]
What is in this bottle?
Perfume.
For who? The walking dead?
I'm sorry. It's me.
I just... I ate something bad.
I have a 4:10 meeting with the reps from Saks,
and I just hope for your sake this doesn't cling to me.
For the rest of you, I suggest you open some windows for ventilation.
Try not to jump out.
I'm sorry.
So? What did they say?
Oh, sweet Jesus!
Honey, did something crawl up your ass and die?
I blew it!
Yes, yes. "Blew it" are the operative words, all right.
- I'm sick. - Oh, God!
No, no, honey. Sick is like, "Poop, poop!" "Tee-hee!"
Oh, God. That is demonic.
You are not helping.
The power of Christ compels you! The power of Christ compels you!
Raphy, I have to get her to approve this stuff.
Honey, I know. She will, okay? She will.
WOMAN: Angela Marks, are you still there?
Yes, I'm still here.
WOMAN: Mary would like to see you in her office.
- I'll be right there. - Jesus! That was fast.
[Chuckles]
Seriously, that was great.
I thought I'd never get out of that pre-nup.
Honey, come here and meet Curtis.
I told you he'd do it.
This is my ex-wife's cousin. Worth every penny.
Come on.
Let's go buy a sex swing.
Okay, Uncle Phil.
[Inhales]
- You are amazing. - Excuse me?
I'm sorry. My name is Arlene Jenkins.
Everyone says the same thing about you, "There's none better,"
but I had to see it for myself.
Oh, my. I grew faint just the way you pounded away at that woman.
What can I do for you, Mrs. Jenkins?
There's a lot you can do to me.
Okay.
It's my husband. He's a liar.
But I'm sad to say I see a lot of that.
The son of a bitch told me he was dying,
and that's the only reason I married him.
So, he is...?
97.
Oh.
Have you ever had a 97-year-old man on top of you?
It's like fucking a beanbag chair.
I didn't need to hear that.
We just got his medical report.
Besides the fact that he's on an oxygen tank, he's healthy as a hog.
He'll probably outlive me.
I'm not sure what you want me to do.
This is my pre-nup. I need a way out.
Sure you want to leave with...?
With as much as I can carry.
Ms. Jenkins, I shouldn't be looking at this material.
- Mr. Marks. - Curtis.
Curtis.
I need you.
Okay, I will take a look at this, and my office will be in touch.
Thank you...
...Curtis.
You can sit...
...unless sitting makes your problem worse.
I'm really sorry about that. I think I'm okay now.
Is this your family?
- Wow, your daughter is so... - No. It came with the frame.
92.1% of men prefer to deal with a woman who has a family.
You know how many men want to hire a woman that has a family?
8.1%.
Which just proves conclusively that men are stupid.
Now, speaking of stupid,
for the woman who is about to start a family,
I should have thrown you out of that conference room
for suggesting something so Sesame Street,
but unfortunately I have a board that I have to answer to,
and they have voted.
You're approved.
Now, listen to me. Listen to me really good.
You screw this up, it is your ass on the line.
Now, I expect a budget and marketing analysis on my desk in one week.
Get out.
- Wow! What's that for? - I missed you today.
Me too. Guess what?
Tell me, how did it go?
Mary said yes.
- She said yes? - Yes! She said yes!
Fist-pound.
Angela, I don't believe this. This is... This is amazing.
You are gonna have your own perfume line.
I know. I mean, this is put up or shut up time.
All those years in college and business school
and then months slaving away as an intern.
Can you believe this?
Vice-president of one of the biggest cosmetic companies
in all of the world!
This is huge! This is my everything!
Everything?
Well, present company excluded.
Mm.
Um, Angela,
since this "Baby on Board" thing is such a big deal,
maybe you and I should start trying.
Trying?
Trying to make a baby.
You know, lose the condoms.
Ahh...
You okay?
Hmm.
Here we are.
- Why would we want to do that? - For research.
We'll get you pregnant, and then you'll know exactly...
Sorry.
Sorry about that.
Here you go.
You're certainly eating a lot.
Before you get mad, I don't mean that in a fat-people way.
I just mean that you're consuming more food than usual.
Well, it emptied me out, and now I got to fill me back up.
Are you listening to me?
No one's listening to you, you big lush.
[Chuckles]
Look. All I'm saying is guys like the chase.
You take a guy, he gets married,
and it's like, it's like putting a wolf in a cage, all right?
Every chick that walks by, it's like a fresh, tasty rib-eye.
Danny, come on.
Maybe we should get a breath of fresh air.
What? I'm just trying to make a point.
And that would be what?
Tell them.
- Me? - Yeah, you tell them.
Uh, well, we're all aware of the fact that wealthy men pay for sex.
Oh, we are? Are we?
- I think it's disgusting. - Good.
Are you having sex with prostitutes?
No.
Wait, Sylvie. Did I tell you about my meeting today with Mary?
Danny, did I tell you about the new client that we got?
Look, all I'm saying is there are some guys out there
who get a little gash on the side, and they have to pay for it.
It's the only way they can get it, all right?
And I don't have that problem,
'cause I got the looks, and I got the money.
I got it all, baby! High-five!
[Laughs]
You know, women are looking for a lot more in a relationship
than looks and money.
You're so drunk.
I'm not that drunk.
Um, you know what? Why don't we actually just get out of here?
That makes you feel special?
Going out four nights a week, getting drunk, paying for sex?
You be my guest.
But why don't we put the shoe on the other foot, Danny?
Why don't you raise the kids for a while
while I go out and find every possible excuse to stay away from the house?
Then you can spend all day with the carpools, and the play dates,
and the vomit, and the laundry, and the groceries,
and shoveling the goddamn snow in the fucking driveway.
Why don't you do all those things,
and then you can pay whoever the hell you want to fuck you!
Okay.
You think that I don't bust my ass every goddamn day
for you and those kids, huh?
You want to talk about stress?
Maybe I should go visit a Korean hand-job parlor
like the rest of the guys in the office do.
Fuck it. Can't beat 'em, join 'em.
You know what? Maybe I will join them.
Honey, nobody wants to fuck you.
Well, wait, Sylvie, um...
Sylvie! Sylvie!
That was awkward.
Oh, baby, baby! Oh, my God! I'm almost there! Don't stop!
Yeah, I know. Me too. It's knocking at the door.
- Please let me take the condom off. - Oh, baby, no!
I can't get pregnant now. Are you nuts?
Please... Oh... Oh, wow. Oh, wow.
That, uh, makes it a moot point now.
- Was that good for you? - Mm-hmm.
Sorry about that.
Baby?
Mm-hmm.
Do you still think that I'm beautiful?
Of course I think that you're beautiful.
I just lasted three minutes with two condoms on.
I wish you were a little more fat or a little more ugly.
I might last a little longer.
Do you think that I've gained weight?
I don't care if you've gained weight.
So you think I'm fat?
I'm in hell.
Baby, I just, I saw Danny and Sylvie tonight, and I got scared.
Angie, I married you for you.
And if that means that at some point down the road
you get a little spare tire, maybe some thunder thighs,
varicose veins, arm fat, triple chin,
I did say "for better or for worse," right?
But how about we keep it on the "better" side
for at least a little while?
Well, what if one day I'm not good enough?
Honey, come on. You'll always be good enough.
Good night.
I mean, better than good enough. I mean, fantastic.
Good night, Curtis.
Wonderful...
Marvelous...
DANNY: Oh, yeah! Let me fuck your titties.
Oh, yeah. Fuck you.
Fucking... Come on!
Come on!
[Gasping]
You're pathetic.
Hey, this is my house.
If I want to knock one out of the park now and then, I can do it.
Really?
Yeah, really.
Get out.
What?
I want you to move out of this house
before I actually catch you fucking some whore.
I don't fuck whores.
I'm so tired, Danny.
I'm tired of your staying out all night, your drinking,
the lipstick on your underpants...
- What lipstick on...? ...cheap perfume.
I want you out of my life!
Fine, then.
Fine, then?
Fine, then. I'll move out.
Fine, then. Then, move out.
Move out.
This is my house!
If I want to whack off all over the thread pillows, then I will,
fuck you very much!
[Fart]
[Gagging]
[Heavy metal music plays]
[Disco music plays]
[Heavy metal music plays]
[Disco music plays]
[Heavy metal music plays]
Who is she?
What's her name? How long has this been going on?
- Hey! - And why are you leaving me?
Hey! What is...? What is wrong with you, Angela?
I know!
You know what?
For you, she... I know... I saw that bitch in the kitchen!
Okay, Angela. You were dreaming.
It was a dream. It was your dream.
But not my dream, because I've been here, right here the whole time,
trying to sleep,
while you've been snoring, belching, and farting, Angela,
bad, smelly farts.
So you're not cheating on me with a model chick?
What model chick?
What did she look like?
A little Elle Macpherson action?
- I got your jacket. - Thank you.
Do you got everything?
CURTIS: Sure do.
I'm gonna be a little late tonight, honey,
so don't wait for me for dinner.
I don't think I could even if I wanted to.
Kick Mary's ass today. I want to hear all about it when I get back.
Love you, too.
Hey, honey.
Hey!
[Gasps] I'm so starving!
Angela, no. No, you made me promise you.
- No more bad food. - I'm letting you out of the promise.
- You said you'd say that. - This is the last time.
- You said you'd say that, too. - Give me a fuckin' bite!
- Here, you can have the fries. - Thanks.
Angela? Angela!
Mm, talk about choking the chicken.
Anyway, just... Numbers are looking really good.
Mm, mm, the prelims are coming in nicely.
We really got to wow these money people.
Plenty of time to reach wow status.
Really, I think everything is gonna be fine.
I think it is gonna be better than fine,
even though the Japanese have upped their deadline to June,
I think we'll be fine.
June?
You need wow by June?
No problem.
This is your baby. Don't fuck it up.
[Cell phone rings]
Mm, mm, mm.
Hello.
Sweetie, you give it back to him now.
Hey!
Oh, hey. I'm so glad you could come. Have you eaten?
- Uh, just a little lunch. - You know what?
You two go over there, and you shoot each other.
That's right. Go over. You have my permission.
What's going on?
Well, I just needed to see you. I'm so tired.
Cock-sucker, piece-of-shit footballs!
You seem tense.
I kicked Danny out last night.
[Gasps] Oh, my God, Sylvie! What happened?
Yeah, but I probably would have been okay with it, the cheating,
if he'd had the decency to at least try to hide it from me.
You really would have been okay with that?
I'm not stupid!
Danny has always been a wild pig.
I mean, hell, that's what attracted me to his fat ass in the first place.
And I know I don't look the same. I know.
I used to be so hot.
- And now I'm just... - You are hot.
I'm not hot.
I will never be that skinny ever again.
You... You are skinny. You are.
I turned around the other day,
and my left tit knocked over a toaster.
You have great tits. Your tits are beautiful.
- They're not! They're saggy! - No, they're not!
And after Ryan,
Jesus Christ, you could have smuggled Mexicans over the border
in my vagina.
Enormous!
You have a great vagina.
Any man would be lucky to be in your vagina.
You should see the way he looks at me.
It is like I stole something from him.
Of course I'm not okay with the cheating,
but if that's what it took to keep him, I would...
But at some point he just... He just stopped caring.
And I can deal with a lot of things, but I can't deal with that.
I wish I were a lesbian.
Hold on one second, okay?
Girl, I am not a doctor, but you have got a bug or something.
So, how is my girl?
Not so hot.
Well, you look pretty hot to me.
What's, uh, what's going on inside of you?
I can't keep anything down.
Really?
Have you experienced morning sickness?
No way! I mean, I threw up this morning,
but it's not morning sickness.
Gas?
What are we talking about?
[Beeping]
Look at this.
Angela...
...you're pregnant.
No way! Curtis wears protection.
Well, one little guy snuck in, and it only takes one.
This can't be.
Damn him!
Angela, do you know how many women who can't get pregnant
would love to be in your shoes right now?
I can't fit into my shoes.
I have so much going on right now. This is the wrong time!
Angela, as your friend, I need to tell you this.
It's never the right time. I see women in here all day long,
and even when they think they're not able to handle this, they are.
Hey, you may not think you're ready, but your body is telling you it is.
You feel better?
No!
Thank you.
Mrs. Jenkins, I've got it.
I bet you do.
Would you say that your husband treats you well?
He gives me everything I want.
Okay, okay. Is it good enough?
Oh.
Your pre-nup, Section 14, Article 3A,
hinges on your standard of living,
which Mr. Jenkins is obligated to provide.
If he does not, your pre-nup is null and void.
So, I'm going to ask you again, Mrs. Jenkins,
is it good enough?
I'm not pregnant. I'm not pregnant.
I'm not pregnant, okay?
I don't want to be pregnant. I don't feel pregnant.
And you know what? I'm never having sex again.
He lied to me. He said that Chucky was covered,
little Chucky with two raincoats.
Yeah, well, I got to go, lady.
Be glad you're not a woman.
Okay. Thank you.
I have never been so turned on in all of my life.
Mrs. Jenkins! Mrs. Jenkins!
Mm, Mr. Marks!
Oh, Mr. Marks!
Mrs. Jenkins, Mrs. Jenkins, Mrs. Jenkins.
Please, Mrs. Jenkins. Mrs. Jenkins, stop it!
Mrs. Jenkins, get off of me! Come on!
I'm sorry. You're just so, so devious.
Yes, I... I took two classes on the subject at Harvard.
I hated them both.
Mrs. Jenkins, please, please, get my thumb...
You can't do that to my thumb.
Son of a bitch!
He was making out with her in front of the whole restaurant.
That son of a bitch.
Sylvie?
Yeah?
I'm pregnant.
Son of a bitch.
What do I do?
Oh, honey. I'm gonna come right over right now.
I'll be right over.
- Hello. - Oh, I'll call you back. He's here.
You call me right back!
Hi.
Hey.
[Smooch]
Oh, okay.
What's up?
You know what's up.
Really? You're gonna have to tell me,
because I have no idea what you're trying to pull me into here.
- It's not a what. It's a who. - A who? What who?
What who? You who! That's what, who.
I'm sorry. I don't speak Dr. Seuss.
Come on, Ang. What's going on?
Nothing is going on here, and nothing will go on here.
Okay. Well, then, this fight that we aren't really having is over.
- No. - No?
- Stop it! - Stop what?
Answering with a question.
Angela, something's wrong. I don't know what it is.
Did something happen at work today?
- Don't change the subject! - What subject?
I'm pregnant.
You're pregnant?
Angela, that... That's amazing.
That's... That's wonderful. It's, it's...
- No, it's not. - Yes. Angie, Ang.
I know we didn't plan for this, but we're gonna make it work, okay?
What is wrong with you?
I know plenty of women who would be jumping for joy right now.
Oh, you know plenty of women? How many women do you know?
Okay. Angela, we're gonna be parents.
Let's just calm down and be happy about this.
Oh, how can I be happy when the father of my child
isn't who I thought he would be?
She's cheating on you.
Don't be ridiculous.
You said it yourself. She's hiding something, right?
"The father isn't who I thought he was." What's that bullshit?
She's probably banging some 7-foot-tall black brother.
You always use two skins. You always double-bag it, right?
- Yes. - All right. Look here.
Look. It says right here, 97% effective.
Now, I'm no math wizard, but 97 times 2,
that's like, you know, infinite protection.
I can't believe she would do this.
Don't be a putz. We see this shit all the time.
This shit paid for our houses, all right?
Just 'cause it's happening to you... no different.
Oh, look at that.
Curtis, I'd tear that ass up.
Be like Roberto Duran on a speed bag
with my nuts flying off her ass,
dah-duh-duh, dah-duh-duh, dah-duh-duh, dah.
[Door opens, shuts]
[Zipper pulled]
Are you moving in with your whore?
Whose baby is that?
What did you say?
Fuck you, asshole!
Excuse me?
You're the one who cheated here.
Why is this my fault?
Why is everything my fault?
Don't throw this on me. Take some responsibility.
Don't push this on me.
Get out!
Fine.
Good.
[Cell phone rings]
Tell me what happened.
I'm a mess. He just stormed out.
Say something.
Statistically, women live five years longer than men.
Keep going.
Women use their brains a lot more than men.
[Sobbing] It's not working. I'm still crying.
There's a handbag sale at Macy's.
[Engine revs, tires screech]
He's gone.
I'm coming over.
What about the kids?
They're fine.
[Cartoon noises]
They're fine.
You know, I'll come to you because I have to get out of this house.
[Loud rock music plays]
Just look. Just look and learn.
Oh, this is Curtis, girls.
I'm paying you per the hip thrust. Shake a leg!
Sit down, my man.
You should have seen Angela's face when we were arguing.
She was definitely hiding something,
the way she wasn't saying anything
and kept backing me in a corner, like I was the one who was cheating.
Oh, yeah. Sylvie used to do that shit to me all the time.
But you were cheating.
Yeah, yeah, but she was still very good at it.
Look, I've got these girls for, like, 19 more minutes.
What do you say we get out of here and go to the Korean after that, huh?
Korean parlor? Can't trust women.
Can't beat 'em, join 'em.
Here it comes.
Ooh!
I don't know, Danny. I still love her.
She's my world, you know.
Yeah, your world was banging another dude.
Smell her right there.
You wouldn't even know about it if she didn't get knocked up.
Maybe you should think about that.
- You're right. - You're right I'm right.
You got screwed.
You're right. I'm done.
No, I, I'm... With my marriage, I'm done.
Hey, she's sleeping at your house.
Probably got some jizz monkey over there right now.
- She wouldn't. - Oh, oh, oh, yeah.
'Cause you know her so well.
[Whistles] Mm, look at this.
Hey, honey, I got more cash back in the boudoir.
[Woman laughs]
Oui, oui!
How are you doing? I'm... I'm Curtis.
Nice to meet you.
Um...
Um, do you go to school around here or something?
[Sighs]
Thanks.
What am I supposed to do?
What I did with Danny...
Get him to confess and then kick his ass out on the street.
Well, I can't do that. I love him.
And I love Danny, but, honey, let's face it.
Our husbands are lying and cheating bastards
who deserve to have their balls Zip-locked and stored in a freezer.
You and I don't deserve that, and neither does your baby.
Sweetie, it's not just about you and Curtis anymore.
Mom, I'm hungry!
Eat your brother.
Yes!
I got to go fix her something.
Do you want some broccoli?
What do you want?
[Exhales deeply]
My baby.
[Laughs]
Hey, Ryan, what's the matter?
I peed.
Of course.
WOMAN: Ah, ah! [Bed bounces]
DANNY: Oh, even after I've given it to you, I'm giving it to you.
WOMAN: Mm.
DANNY: Here comes the magic sock! WOMAN: Oh, please!
DANNY: Here comes the sock.
Here it comes. Oh!
Uh, really, I'm, really, I'm okay.
I just got out of a relationship.
Ow, ow, ow, ow! No. I'm sorry. Not you...
[Motor vibrates]
WOMAN: That was fast.
Whew. Yeah, it was good for you, huh?
Best two seconds of my life. Let's go, Delilah!
Thank you, girls.
Ooh! Whoo!
Two hundred bucks for that piece of ass.
Terrific.
That means it cost $100 a second.
Yeah, just kidding. I couldn't get it up.
- What? I heard you. - Faked it.
Every time I looked at her snatch, I saw Sylvie.
Hey, Danny, do you really think it's possible
that somebody's with Angela right now?
Yeah. I do.
[Motor vibrates]
Round 2, buddy.
Whoo!
[Burglar alarm siren wails]
[Dogs barking]
[Siren continues]
[Click, silence]
[Television stations changing]
I'm not leaving.
I'm staying right here in my house.
You want to leave and go stay at your man's place, feel free.
I'm sure he'd love to have his whole family under the same roof.
Mature. Real mature.
I'm not leaving.
ANGELA: Great. I'm sure my mom would really like to talk to you
when she comes over.
- Your mom is coming? - Yeah. In an hour.
[Door slams]
Hi, Mom!
Don't you "hey, Mom" me! I want kisses!
Oh, mm, mm, mm.
Oh, my gosh. It's only been a week.
Oh, my baby, baby girl.
Yeah, a week ago I didn't know you were giving me a grandchild.
Oh, baby, look at that belly. Oh, my God!
I remember when you were in me!
- Gross! - It's nature, sweetie.
Ooh! Feels like a boy. Oh, yeah, yeah. It's a boy.
It is too soon. You cannot tell that now.
Angela, I know. Mothers always know.
So, where's Curtis?
Tea.
It can't be that bad.
Mom, how did you know when Dad was...?
Was what, dear?
Was cheating on you?
That son of a bitch.
With the baby coming. Where is he?
He's not here. Just calm down, okay? Because I want to run this by you.
I just want to make sure that I'm not crazy.
[Chuckles] How did you know?
It was little things.
All of a sudden he was working all kinds of hours,
he was preoccupied with work.
He... Well, you know, he didn't want to...
Sex?
Mmm...
I didn't know for sure until I snuck into his office.
Remember that room? It was always such a mess.
And I looked at the phone bill.
You don't call Suzie Edelstein 14 times in a week
because of her sparkling conversation.
Ugh.
God, I hated him for what he did to you.
It's in the past.
Honey, do you really think Curtis is?
Yeah. I do.
[Inhales deeply]
I don't know what I did wrong.
I know I work hard, but I really try to make him happy.
I blow him, like, three times a week.
Okay. All right. Details are not necessary.
I think I have to leave him.
That's a big decision, honey. Maybe now is not the time.
Well, I promised myself that I would never sit home and wonder,
and that's what I'm doing.
Well, then, I'll tell you what to do. Don't leave.
Stand your ground and make Curtis realize what he's throwing away.
By the time you're done with him, he'll be begging for forgiveness.
Did you try that with Dad?
No.
But Curtis isn't your father, and you're not me.
Try to keep this family from breaking up
before it even has a chance to start.
Tough love!
- Tough love? - Tough love.
You're gonna want to fold.
You're gonna want to say something nice and sweet.
Don't.
The second you do,
it's a license for her to gobble other men's cocks for the rest of your life.
No matter how long.
Even if it takes a year.
A year? Don't talk to him for a whole year?
He'll fold long before then, honey. Trust me.
He's not the manly type.
Not manly?
Hey, you're a quarter queer. We all knew that back in law school.
But this is your opportunity for greatness, pal.
This is ridiculous. I'm getting love advice from a man
who just paid $200 to fake-fuck a stripper.
You want to get Angela back or not?
Then do not talk to him.
He's the father of my child!
I know.
That's the only thing that's keeping me from killing him, sweetie.
[Screams]
For this agreement to be valid and enforceable,
it must be based on a full mutual disclosure
of each party's financial status to the other party... Uh...
[Scoffs]
...of the other...
Mr. Jenkins, I am so sorry.
[Sighs]
[Exhales]
See you, guys, in a little while, okay? I love you.
- I love you, too. - Have fun with your daddy, okay?
Hey! Give me some love!
Daddy!
DANNY: Come here!
Aw!
TEACHER: All right, ladies. That's it. Breathe.
Very nice.
They're right there. Right there.
[Mimics breathing]
Hi, baby!
DOCTOR: There we are.
MR. ROHE: Counselor Marks?
- It's good to see you. - Mr. Rohe and, uh...
Oh, she doesn't speak English.
She's Russian.
Mail-order.
You bring them over for, like, two grand,
and they fuck like their life depends on it,
because it does.
Um, don't you, uh... Don't you have to marry them?
Oh, no, no.
All you have to do is say you're gonna marry them.
Uh, Mr. Rohe, I have a very busy day.
- What can I do for you? - Curtis...
What do they say about you? There's none better.
Well, I need you, buddy. I need the best.
Okay. Uh... I've already gotten you out of alimony.
The fucking money pit.
Writing that mortgage check every month is like a living hell.
I want a motorcycle and penile implants.
I want out of this.
- What about your wife? - Ex-wife.
- What about your kids? - Ex-kids.
I don't think it works that way, Mr. Rohe.
I see you've been to another lawyer. A few lawyers.
I admit it, I was trying to find someone cheaper,
but those guys all turned me down on moral grounds.
Can you believe that shit, moral grounds?
That's when I knew if you want the best, you got to pay for it.
You.
So, what do you say?
[Glass spills]
Oops. I "breaked" the "vater."
Now, remember,
don't start the video conference until I'm sitting.
Mm-hmm. You know, Mary is a woman, too.
Kind of.
She might actually understand that you are with parasite.
Mm-unh.
I'm not losing my job because Curtis' sperm
didn't know what to do when they hit rubber.
Listen, you just have to stop treating Mary
like she's some kind of supervillain.
You were saying?
Hi, Mary!
How's Japan treating you?
Okay, well, you can just drop the pleasantries.
Am I crazy, or is it just the camera, or does it look like you put on a few?
It's, um...
It's glandular?
All right. Let's just take a look.
You didn't get the graphs that I e-mailed you?
[Cell phone rings]
[Giggles]
Raphy! Raphy! Uh...
Hmm.
These rolly chairs are so fun. I love them.
Because my back is really...
Doo-dee-doo-doo!
Angela...
Yes.
I think I know what's going on.
You do?
Yes. I think I do, and it is okay.
It is?
Yes, it is.
Believe it or not, I used to do a lot of drugs.
There was a night back in '89 where I did so much PCP,
I could have choked an antelope. But I got over it.
I overcame it, and so can you.
You think I'm on drugs?
Nothing to be ashamed of.
The first step is to stand up and admit that you have a problem.
Mary, I'm sorry. I can't do this. I'm not on drugs.
I'm...
I'm pregnant.
Unh-unh, Vice-President.
Why don't you just tell your boss you're pregnant?
- Because she'll fire me. - Let her!
Then Curtis can sue them for discrimination.
He might be an asshole, but he is an excellent lawyer.
How do I look?
Do you want the real answer or the girlfriend answer?
Um... Girlfriend first and then real.
You look beautiful.
You can't, can't even tell you're pregnant. You can't tell.
Okay. Now real.
You look like a fat candy cane.
Shit.
Oh!
I give up.
Nothing fits.
Jesus! Your head is enormous.
You know, I can't hide it from my boss anymore.
She's gonna know.
- Ow! - Hold on to the bench!
You're pulling my hair. You're pulling my hair!
Ugh!
What does Curtis say?
He hasn't said a word to me.
[Sobbing]
And he probably never will.
Fucking hormones, I tell ya.
Is everything all right?
Yeah. She's pregnant, and her husband is cheating on her.
You know what?
I think you need to step it up.
Oh, Curtis!
Can I ask you a question?
Yes, I do believe that two filet mignons
and three scoops of mint chocolate chip is too much for breakfast.
Are you through with the food jokes?
No.
Okay. Now I'm through.
Do you think that I look fat in this dress?
I think you look terrific, Angela.
Better than ever.
[Sighs]
You actually look like you're getting ready for a...
[Car horn honks]
A date!
Oh.
I got to go.
I have... I have people that I can call.
I have... I have friends, too.
Doctor Bob?
Oh, come on!
[Engine revs]
Okay. Fine.
Are you sure you're all right with me drinking wine?
Oh, I don't mind.
You'd be surprised.
It's a common fight husbands and wives have.
Over wine?
Mm-hmm.
Well, the husband keeps drinking it. The wife can't.
She takes it as a sign he won't be changing his life.
Sparks ensue.
Well, that's dumb.
Yeah.
And I could never see you getting involved in a dumb tug of war.
Angela, I'm here for you. But this has gotten out of hand.
You love each other. Just stop with the games.
You're right. I just... I don't know how we got here.
Tomorrow I'm gonna sit down, and I'm gonna talk to him like an adult.
What?
Oh, hell!
Oh, bastard!
- Who are those people? - It's my wife and her lover.
He's trying to make me jealous.
- She's fat! - She's pregnant!
Isn't that what we're doing?
We are now!
[Exaggerated laughter]
You're so funny!
On three, laugh. One, two, three.
Come here.
Well, it took you long enough.
I'll tell you a secret.
I thought you might make a move tonight,
so I shaved it into a "C," just in case.
For "Curtis."
Okay, why don't we stop talking?
Come on, Angie.
Hey! Hey!
Stop her!
Yeah. Come on.
CURTIS: Hey!
Right here. Right here.
Oh, yeah.
Just what's going on here?
If you don't like it, Dr. Bob, why don't you and Angela leave?
Morris?!
Morris?
My husband!
- That's my bitch, bitch! - Is this guy serious?
As a heart attack!
Oh!
Curtis!
Morris!
Oh, sweetie, honey, baby pie!
[Laughs]
Thanks, Morris!
Ah!
[Chuckles]
That's gonna hurt more tomorrow.
That's good to know.
You can have the bed if you want, and I can just go to...
Dr. Bob's? Go ahead. Be my guest.
Curtis.
How long have you been seeing her?
Again?
You keep turning this around on me.
Don't I get a coma reprieve?
Why don't you just go see your doctor friend and leave me alone?
Okay. You win. I can't do this anymore.
Did you step it up?
Is he eating out of the palm of your hand?
Honey, I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry.
Come on. Let's go inside.
Raphy! Raphy, Raphy! Oh, where is she?
Uh, who? Angela?
Oh, I don't know. She's not in her office?
I thought she was in her office, because if she's not,
then I don't really know, Mary.
Oh, there she is!
Angela, I really, I really, really need you to listen to me.
The Japanese love us.
The head of Nakashima Distribution is going to be here in a few hours.
And I want you to present it to him and his team.
I thought you already did that.
Angela, I'm thinking maybe you should take
a little less time at the refrigerator
and start focusing on your work.
Where's my coffee?
That's his secondary team.
Mr. Nakashima never goes to the initial first-pitch meeting.
Oh, no. He just flies halfway around the world to do that.
He's on his way to Hawaii for the re-enactment of Pearl Harbor,
and he is blessing us with a few hours of his precious time.
Now, have you taken care of your glandular problem?
'Cause I've got to tell you something,
the Japanese, they're not too wowed by fat women.
Uh, don't worry. I'll lose 20 pounds by the time they get here.
Today, 4:00...
...wow time.
Well, that was some fancy footwork for a fat woman.
What?
Hello, asshole.
Is Asshole Number Two here?
He's in his room.
What are you? The gatekeeper now for his fat ass?
How's Angela doing?
She's just fine.
Good.
You look like shit.
I feel worse.
Well, that's a start.
Curtis, why did you have to go and fuck up
the best thing in your life?
I didn't know I did until after I did it.
Guess nothing I did was good enough.
Oh, what you did was good enough.
It worked. She's gone. What did you expect?
You just cannot take responsibility, either of you.
You're just boys. You're both just boys!
Can't beat 'em, join 'em.
What does that mean?
[Ballgame plays on television]
[Television turns off]
[Screams]
What the fuck is that?
Nothing. You scared me.
Oh, you're making it official now.
It's been months. We either have to shit or get off the pot.
You look good.
Stop fucking around.
I'm not fucking around. You look good.
I didn't lose a single pound.
Well, you look pretty.
Where's Curtis?
He said something about "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em."
He said that? [Dials phone]
Yeah. Something like that.
[Telephone ringing]
What's wrong?
Hey! Voicemail.
- Where are we going? - Come with me.
- Where are we going? - Follow me!
Where are you taking me?
- Just look. - Where are we going?
In a whorehouse.
[Tone chimes]
Okay, let's get started.
Mr. Nakashima and company,
on behalf of my staff and colleagues,
we are more than happy to welcome you to Chateau Cosmetics.
Ahh! Ahh!
You okay?
[Labored breathing]
Is it the...?
Oh! Jesus! Okay, uh, we have to get you to a hospital.
Now, Mr. Nakashima, I'm sure your team has informed you
we've been working on something very special.
Raphy, in the last nine months,
I've lost my husband, my dignity, and my life.
I'm not losing this project.
Extremely special that is going to take this company
to new heights.
RAPHY: Angela!
I can do it.
MARY: to introduce you to the woman that's going to...
...Angela Marks.
[Applause]
Don't forget, this is your baby.
First of all, I would like to welcome you to America.
And secondly, I would like to thank my boss, Mary Radcliff,
and my valued colleague, Raphy, for bringing this project to fruition.
Excuse me.
I would like to introduce you to a revolutionary new concept
in women's fragrances:
Baby on Board.
Wow!
A real Korean hand-job joint.
You really know how to make a girl feel special.
RECEPTIONIST: Oh, Mister Danny!
- Oh, is so good to see you again! - Ay.
Why I not see you in so long? It's been months, Mr. Danny.
Oh, you have pee-pee disease, mm?
- Oh, you need more Niagara, huh? - I'll be right back.
Mr. Danny, you don't go... You're not supposed to go back there!
[Speaking foreign language]
I know exactly how you feel.
MAN #1: Oh, oh, oh.
Ah, ah, ah.
- Huh? - Sorry.
MAN #2: Ah, I think I'm in love.
Hey, Maureen! I'm just looking for my, uh...
Dude.
Sorry.
Easy.
- Candy? - Danny?
Curtis?!
No, no, no, no, no! Don't roll over.
Don't roll over, whatever you do.
If you roll over right now, Candy is going to jerk you off,
and that's gonna be the biggest mistake you could ever make.
Curtis, I know I talked a mean game. Hell, I played a mean game.
Half the stains on this ceiling have come from me.
A hand-job's just like jerking off. It's all the same in the end.
Truthfully, I give myself a hell of a great hand-job.
But, look, forget about that.
I know I said the only honest relationship a man can have
is with somebody he's paying, all right?
But that's not true. It's bullshit.
Man, your wife's a real pain in the ass. They all are.
But, fuck, dude, she knows you better than anyone,
and she still puts up with you.
And that, that's the most beautiful thing
you're ever gonna have in your life.
And I know you want to blow that load,
but I'm talking to you as a friend and a man.
Don't blow that load!
My God. You are so right.
Thank you, mysterious stranger.
Okay, thank you. All right. Thank you.
That was beautiful, man.
Just thank you.
Beautiful, beautiful. Beautiful.
[Cheering]
[Screams]
[Men laugh]
[Cheers]
Did you mean all that?
- Yeah, but... - But what?
It didn't help Curt.
CURTIS: Danny.
Curt?
Danny. That was a real touching speech, man.
Am I too late?
No, no. I chickened out.
I've been hiding out in the bathroom the last 40 minutes.
Thank God you're a quarter queer.
- I'm such an idiot. - Yes, you are.
I really screwed things up.
Me too.
I need to fix this.
You bet your ass you need to fix this.
I need to fix everything.
I'm sorry.
Hey, sorry. Can you give me a ride?
As you can see, the 4th Quarter projections for the U.S. alone
are 14% higher than Chanel's latest line.
As we move into publicity and advertising...
[Breathes heavily]
And now, as we move into publicity and advertising...
[Tires screech]
DANNY: Go get her! [Cell phone rings]
Angela!
Curtis, she locked me out of my own house!
I want my magazines, and I want my swordfish,
and I want you out of here now!
Oh, this is good. She's gonna call her lawyer now.
Listen, just talk to her
and say some of that fancy lawyer jargon that I pay you so much for
and make her leave, will you?
Bill, put her on the phone.
Oh, my lawyer wants to talk to you now.
Oh, really? 'Cause I'd love to talk to him, too.
Here you are.
MS. BLACK: The house?! He wants the house now?
- How do you sleep at night? - Ms. Black, please.
This is a crock of shit!
MR. ROHE: Agh!
The law protects assholes like him instead of punishing him.
- Ms. Black, you are right. - What?
Tell your lawyer if he's looking for any frivolous expenses
to look into your ex-husband's accounts
for any monies that may have been transferred
into banks based in Russia.
He cannot touch the house.
Why are you telling me this?
Today is your lucky day.
Damn, Counselor, you are fast.
My brother, what's up?
- What the hell? - Here you are.
Wait.
MR. ROHE: Wait a minute.
Oh, Curtis. You, you slimy bastard!
I am gonna hit you with a lawsuit so huge!
You want to try? Come and get me.
You'll be spending the rest of your miserable life in a courthouse
balancing requests for interrogatories, unnecessary motions.
I will depose every person you've ever been in contact with
since the beginning of time!
[Cell phone disconnects]
Wow! You've got a great lawyer.
There's none better.
[Tires screech]
Medical Emergency! Doctor coming through!
Let's go.
And, uh... And, uh...
Just keep it together.
Uh, let me open up the floor to questions.
Angela! Angela!
- Yah! - Oh! Oh!
Curtis!
Angela, take me back.
Oh, Jesus Christ!
I was a moron. I was a... I was a stupid moron.
I don't care.
I don't care if that baby isn't mine.
I don't care if you had relations with your doctor.
I don't care about any of that.
I only care about you.
Oh! Oh!
Is that a good scream or a bad scream?
What are you trying to say?
I'm having a baby!
You're pregnant?
Of course she's pregnant!
You're pregnant?!
ANGELA: Oh!
Come on. Come on.
She told me it was a glandular thing.
Angela.
You!
CURTIS: She's mine, Dr. Bob.
If you want her, you're gonna have to go through me!
This is like Days of our Lives!
DOCTOR: Curtis, I know this has gotten out of hand.
No. I was stupid to ever let her go.
You can't have her!
I don't want her!
What?
She's always been yours.
Well, then, what are you doing here?
Hey, hey! I called him. I'm sorry.
- Hi, baby. - Hi.
I know. I think I'm out of my league, too.
So, you two are a couple? That... I'm okay with that.
RAPHY: Oh, let's go. DOCTOR: Okay, okay, okay.
RAPHY: Baby, baby, baby. CURTIS: Let's go. Here we go.
Fuckin' douchebag doctor... Oh, hey!
Is it time?
Can't leave! Have to finish!
- We need to get you out of here. - Angela, listen to the doctor!
Angela!
[Laughter]
Take that back.
Ooh.
Excuse me?
I said, "Take that back."
That woman has been talking to you for 30 minutes while she is in labor.
You want to talk about tough? It doesn't get tougher than that.
I don't care about your money.
I don't care about your Y chromosome.
I don't care about your snarky jokes.
Domo arigato.
Okay, just breathe. All right. This way, this way.
Ah, your jacket.
What? What?
The whore with the lipstick!
Hold her!
What? What?
The business card!
Oh, her! Her!
Oh, no, no, no. She wasn't a whore.
She was a relaxation therapist.
That's right.
You slept with her!
No, no, no. I didn't sleep with her. Danny slept with her. It was Danny.
- You bastard! - No, no, no, no.
It was a fuckin' hand-job, and it was after you kicked my ass out!
Oh, I love you, baby!
Oh, Curtis!
Here we go.
Okay.
I'll drive.
[Tires screech]
[Glass crashes]
I hate you! You did this to me!
I'll grab a wheelchair. You got her?
Yeah. We're all good.
Just hurry, Doctor! Hurry!
Do your breathing. That's it.
Who was that bitch at the restaurant?!
What bitch at the restaurant?
Ah!
What'd I miss?
The bitch that you kissed at the restaurant!
Wow, good timing for me.
She's a client. Mrs. Jenkins.
She's married?
CURTIS: Ow!
Ow! Ow! Fuck me in the ass!
DOCTOR BOB: Tourette's.
She's getting a divorce.
She kissed me when I told her
of a way she could get out of her pre-nup
and screw her husband out of millions!
We have to split up now.
Can I go with her?
Curtis, a nurse will come and get you in a minute.
Just let me get her hooked up first.
Are you sure that it didn't mean anything?
It meant nothing.
It meant as much to me as your kiss with gay Doctor Bob meant to you.
Thanks a lot.
Really?
Really.
Okay.
I can have this baby now.
I'll be right in.
[Television news being read indistinctly]
You know, I knew you wouldn't hurt my little girl.
Thank you, Mom.
But just for the record,
if you did...
Jesus Almighty himself couldn't protect you or your genitalia from me.
NEWS ANNOUNCER: And finally, here in the States,
the Viking Pharmaceutical Company, makers of Super Viking Prophylactics,
announced today a total recall of their product Super Viking Condoms
when it was discovered that a malfunction in the rubber
causes leakage.
The company announced that everyone using the product
whose sex partners had become pregnant
may return the unused portion for a full refund.
Talk about a class-action suit.
Super Vikings?
NURSE: Mr. Marks?
[Screams]
Good, Angie! Presenting beautifully.
I'm right here, Angela. I'm right here. How we doing, Doc?
She is doing fine.
Okay, push, Angela. Push. Push.
Just remember your breathing.
How do you know what to do?
I went to all your Lamaze classes.
I wouldn't have missed them for the world.
Now, push, Angela.
Push.
[Grunts, screams]
Here he comes.
He...?
CURTIS: Push, Angela.
DOCTOR: Here he comes!
[Baby cries]
Hey.
DOCTOR: Welcome to the world, little one.
He's perfect!
Nice going, Mom.
Here we go. Here we go.
[Baby coos]
Hey, baby.
I'm your daddy.
Oh, baby. Hi. Nice to meet you.
You're so beautiful.
Hi!
I hope I'm late.
Oh, what is it?
It's a boy.
Hello, little Mr. Marks.
Hey, wait till you get to know your parents.
You're gonna love 'em.
Nice work, Bobby.
Thanks.
Where's my grandson?
Let me see him.
Oh! Hi, sweetie!
Hi.
Hello!
He's so handsome. Oh, look at you!
Look at you!
Oh, my God!
Hello!
Oh, hello, sweet baby.
[Baby grunts]
Oh, I forgot how cute they are when they first come out.
Curtis, he has your ears.
Mary, those are beautiful flowers.
Please. I expensed it to Mr. Nakashima's account.
[Chuckles]
Well, um...
...I'm gonna go.
Hospitals aren't really my thing,
but, um, I did want to say, take as much time as you need.
Your job will be waiting for you when you're ready.
Are you sure?
Never ask a woman if she's sure about her vice-president.
Oh, my God.
Thank you, Mary.
[Baby coos]
Wow.
DOCTOR: Okay, everyone.
What say we give the family a moment alone?
SYLVIE: Love you.
Hey!
Bye, sweetie.
- Congratulations. - Thank you.
Just the immediate family for right now...
I am immediate. I'm the grandma.
DOCTOR: And what a lucky little boy he is.
You can come back in a little while.
[Smooches]
Ta-dah!
There are gonna be pregnant women all over the world craving your scent.
Thank you for everything.
Mm-hmm.
- He's so perfect. - There's none better.
[Baby coos]
Hi.
He's tired.
It's been a long nine months.
I know how he feels.
I love you.
I love you, too.
[Fart]
Was that you?
I thought that was you.
What have you been eating, baby?
Aw...
He's got your intestinal tract.
CURTIS: Oh, my God.
MAN: Come on!
OFF-SCREEN VOICE: All right, time!
OFF-SCREEN VOICE: Oh, that's low!
Don't move, don't move, don't move.
[Off-screen laughter]
Look at that. Look at that.
Oh, look at that.
Oh, look at that!
You get that butt up in the air, get those ass cheeks flapping,
your balls will be ricocheting back and forth
like Hector "Macho" Camacho fucking in his speed bag...
da-da-duh, da-da-duh, da-da-duh, da-da-duh, aah!
[Laughs]
I really need you to listen to me now.
The Japanese love us.
The head of whatever the fuck it is,
what is it? [Chortles]
The head of "Nakshma" Distribution...
[Laughs]
Go fuck yourselves.
Are you taking care of your glandular prob... can't say that word.
Your "glandurer," your "glandurer" problem.
[Off-screen laughter]
Are you taking care of that little "glandurer" problem?
[Both laugh]
How's that "glandurer" problem going? You taking care of that?
'Cause I got to tell you, the Japanese aren't real wowed by fat men.
[Laughter]
OFF-SCREEN VOICE: Take a bite again. Yeah, you could do it.
Yeah. Look at me, now.
Dive in. Aargh!
You're gonna be here one day.
[Continuous laughter on set]
Did you ever do that?
No. It was just...
OFF-SCREEN VOICE: This is over!
You don't have to lick my ass. Just give me more per diem.
[Off-screen laughter]
DANNY: It's better when they don't talk.
This is Curtis, girls.
I'm paying you per hip thrust, so shake a leg.
You know what? I'm so sorry. I dropped my money.
DANNY: Oh, you did?
You have a great vagina.
I think any man would be lucky to be in your vagina.
But my boobs. They're just...
[Both laugh]
[Laughs]
You need wow by June?
Hello.
Hello?
[Laughter]
DANNY: Mmm.
Oh, look at that pussy.
OFF-SCREEN VOICE: And cut! Come on!
That was directing.
DANNY: Don't be a putz.
[Crow cawing]
[Mimics crow cawing]
[Both laugh]
First of all, I'd like to welcome you to Japan.
I mean, to America. I'm sorry.
On behalf of my staff and colleagues,
I would more...
See, now, she put the jinx on it. Hold on.
CURTIS: I need to fix everything.
- I'm sorry. - Come here.
Guys, can I get a ride?
No.
Oh!
You broke the first rule of improv!
You really think it's possible that Angela has somebody
over there right now?
Yeah. I would if I was her.
After I spent an hour twisting my tits.
[Smooches]
OFF-SCREEN VOICE: Cut!
[Laughter on set]
Took classes on the... What are you doing, Mrs. Jenkins?!
Oh, you like that? Like that? Want a bite?
No!
[Growls]
What are you...? Stop it, Mrs. Jenkins!
[Laughter on set]